JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

*cut to Jerry Springer*
*Title credits, Audience Applause*

JERRY: Hello folks, and welcome to another action packed and thought provoking show! Today's topic is,
"My father molested my goat but it's okay since he’s not my father really, he's my mother who had a sex operation and the goat is my real father who had a species operation and I'm a fat midget who cheats on many lesbian women but they were all using me anyway so everything worked out and is quite okay actually!"

FAT MIDGET walks on the stage
*Audience applause*

JERRY: So what'd you have to say?
FM: Uh... I dunno. I just realised that apart from having a totally BEEP!ed family, I have no problems!
JERRY: Oh really? Well that's not what TANYA has to say!
FM: What?

*Tanya comes out from Door number 1*
*Tanya bitchslaps the Fat Midget guy*

FM: Hey! What was that for? I don't even know you!
TANYA: WHAT? Don't BEEEP BEEP you BEEP BEEEP Obi-Wan BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP goats BEEEEEP BEEEP van de graph generator BEEEP BEEP feta cheese BEEEP BEEP BEEP then you put in the oven and wait for 5 minutes or till it goes golden brown BEEEP BEEP BEPP BEEPITY BEEP BEEP BEEP!

*Everyone looks confused*
JERRY: What? All you said was a couple of beeps!
TANYA: ARRGH! DAMN YOU JERRY! BEEP BEEP! BRING IT ON!!
*Tanya rips open her shirt dives on Jerry and starts beating the crap out of him*

AUDIENCE: JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
*They realise that he's getting seriously pulverized*
AUDIENCE: JER... uh... TANYA! TANYA! TANYA!

*Security join in and start dog piling the on the two of them. Mud is poured onto them.*

*Fat midget guy picks up mike from jerry's quivering hand at the bottom of the pile*

FM: Hey folks! I guess that’s all we have for today! I'm an overweight little guy and I dig boobs! So if you've got boobs, call me! Unless you're ugly. Or lesbian. I don’t want to have to go through that again...

*cut to commercials*